The Guilt Myth

I recently read this op-ed from a guilty working mother in the online version of Virginia’s Daily Press newspaper. Nothing new here: mother works, mother feels like she isn’t spending enough time with baby, mother writes op-ed about how guilty she feels. There have been variations of this tired theme all over the place for years now — Lucy Kellaway’s recent op-ed at The Financial Times, this piece from Women’s Day, and this one from The Dubliner (which has a mildly offensive subtitle and ends with the mom taking time off ).

I don’t feel guilty about working, and I wonder how real working mommy guilt is. Especially when you first go back to work after having a baby, you miss your child immensely. And for many reasons, working can be a big drain that you might not choose if you have the option. But is this a by-product of guilt?

There are a lot of things that I do feel guilty about: having my back turned when Baby Bee recently tried to drink air freshener liquid, not remembering to send his blanket to school one day, not finding more happiness day to day. But these are all things that are essentially unrelated to my work status — I could very well see myself having exactly the same guilt if I were at home.

While I wouldn’t go so far as to say working mother guilt is a myth — there are times when you might feel badly about not spending as much time with your child — it also seems highly overblown in the media. In fact, working mothers spend more time with their children today ....

A quick scan of the web shows how many working mothers there are out there who don’t have the guilt complex. Here are a few from around the blogosphere:

Working Moms Against Guilt
Freelance Mum: Not Guilty
RatherBeWorking.com: Guilty or Not Guilty
A great guilty working mother story from BlueSuitMom.com